Today in Parliament

1. to the person who initiated the end of the financial year coinciding with April Fool’s day – i wish that they’ll castrate your lungs ala buffy and feed it to the whatever it is that’s on fear factor.

2. to my boss who’s trying to instigate my downfall (again – what’s new?) by adjusting the major decisions affecting my time schedules according to his needs – i wish the haunted lady shown in incredible tales will give u a winning number and haunts you for life cos u greedy greedy man.

i think basically that’s all.

oh did i tell you that my dad keeps crickets as food for his “treasured” arowana? it just so happens that the cage fell – and now it’s empty. i guessed they are running around the house freely.

keluar ruang tamu, bunyi dah macam dalam kampung.

*cricket cricket*

oh gross!

Melayu 101

bahasa melayu memang sungguh mengasyikkan.

tetapi sering kali, niat berbahasa dengan betol selalunya akan dialihkan kepada perbahasaan dialect.
entah mengapa, perbuatan begitu seperti seiiras di dalam naluri ramai orang (terutama sekali penulis ini).

jadi oleh kerana menteri pendidikan telah mengubahsuaikan konsep pembelajaran di singapura, saya ingin mencadangkan kepada pihak2 yang bertanggup jawab supaya salinkan inti kata perkataan di dalam bahasa melayu.

dengan cara begini, ramai penuntut melayu di singapura boleh mengeluarkan perasaan mereka dengan lebih tatkala pabila menulis karangan, perbualan oral dan sebagainya.

berikut adalah beberapa idea-idea yang boleh diambil contoh.

1. dekni
contoh: “Dekni nak cari pasal eh?”

2. dektu
contoh: “Dektu curi pompuan aku!”

3. apa sak?
contoh: “Apa sak kau? Dah giler ke?”

4. mak kau!
contoh: “Mak kau! Best ah!”

5. apa sey?
contoh: “Apa sey si Wak Buang tuh?”

6. macam siak!
contoh: “Macam siak ah nombor 4D niari!”

7. amacam?
contoh: “Amacams, ni malam mau gi mana?”

8. gostan
contoh: “Bang, gostan sikit bang”

9. bedek ah!
contoh: “Bedek ah! aku tak percaya!”

10. citot!
contoh: “Citot buah laici si kemat tu!”

11. camtuh!
contoh: ” ABih macam mana camtuh?”

jikalau ada lebih cadangan untuk meluaskan lagi pembenderahan kata di atas, sudilah kehadapan.

sekian.

Kid A jamboree

i like kids.
but not all kids. some of them can really pissed you out.
i love the cute ones; those with bubbly cheeks, smile effortlessly, amiable to talk with.
and i’ve loads of them here at my workplace.
loads.
and most of themwill come up to me and shout (what else?) “UNCLE AIDIL!”
which i do not mind at all.
and most of my time at werk are filled with their conversations.
like their favourite cartoons. or toys. or how they really hate girls.
and i like to play pranks on them too.
like hiding their bags. or scold them for no apparent reason. or faking that they’ve lost something.
and to look at their faces when i do those just makes me laugh.
did i tell you i’m a sadist?
but it was all in the fun of it. cos at the end of the day, all of them will laugh, and joke, and talked about non-sensical stuffs.

and ive observed one thing.
i realised 20 somethings jingys or whatever it is, loved to potrait themselves with these young devils aka kids.
some will put their bestests of smiles.
some will hug till the kid cries.
or on the verge of choking.
and it made me think.
“WHATS THE BIG DEAL MAN?”
either they want to show that “Oooo, i’ve a cute kid in my hands!”
or they want to show the paternal/maternal instinct on how they can bond to them so as to up-value their husband/wife-to-be-capability-points.
i dont condone them.
kids are nice. SOME.
but to put them as the trophy of your exclusiveness is just darn sick.

(i hear defamation suits coming)

I, ROBOT

earwax: teratai – ramli sarip

ooo..gua tak saber mau menunggu ni citer.

alex proyas, sutradara dia. last skali gua tengok filem dia itu citer Dark City. ooo…mesti best ni citer. cuma ntah apasal si will smith dia jadikan pelakon utama dia.

ni trailer dia.

landslide kaper…

i’ve a mate, and lets just call him A for liability reasons, and he was ecstatic that BN has made a whole fucken sweep in yest Malaysia’s electorals.

and i rebuked. “So wats the big deal?”

honestly, i’m really shocked and saddened by the lost of those dudes in white caps, again for liability reasons, lost in kelantan and terengganu. and why so?

for one, the establishment of a single party overuling the whole nation just seem to bear down bad, bad implications for everyone. monopolisation will just breed complacency. and how do those electors who won seem to promise the villagers, especially, those in rural lands? are they joining these electorals for the sake of joining the bandwagon noeingly the comfort of the big boss in putrajaya will sugarcoat their needs? well, we’ll see. but for as long as i can remember, some of these datuks in the persidangan are really muther fucken asses. (do i hear defamation threats? oops.)

to promise is one thing, to realise the promise is another. and voting for the big poppa will not benefit u (guarenteedly), but just that dude whose poster is up in yer neighbourhood (not big poppa lah. the minnie me).

and i heard a certain dr masitah (or isit mashitah), the so-call counsellor of the elites, won too. by a big margin. i think. not bad, not bad. and she promise she’ll do her whatever best to protect her constituency. which reminds me back in the early part of this year, that she wants to sue her neigbour because of a complain by them in regards of her extension of her garden. which reminds me, if she can’t adhere to her own blardy neighbours, what about the cnstituency, yah? oh, she loves to patronize arab street and purchase sockloads of clothes too. i heard she has a store in sg. maybe she’ll spend more time here than there. oh who’ll matters…

on the whole congrats to em. but landslide or not, just don’t anticipate much about this victory. it just got started. and big poppa, i’ve this suspicion feeling the reason of this landslide victory has something to do with you being in your first term. but u seem to be a nice dude. its just your money grabbing cronies which im suspicious.

and for those riding on the bandwagon of this landslide victory, hah, ive nothing to say.

my arguments may not make a whole fucken sense, but its just wat i feel. am i not entitled for my own opinions, even though how stupid it can seem from the surface. and im not a supporter for neither the big poppa or the dude in the white cap, and i really hate the idea of electorals no matter how much they adhere it as a muther fucken democratic procession. i feel electorals are just the bandwagon of promises of ice melting in the middle of the noon. these politicians are just fucken bothered about the mney they will be subjected to when they are in the undangan. to me, if you want democracy, do something when the community is in dire help, sans the media attention. now that’s something.

oh, and did i hear karpal singh won too? now that’s an interesting one.

tumpas ke air..

earwax: pavement – major leagues

dalam sejarah majlis persandingan , tak pernah dalam hidup gua, gua mau lempar daging kat itu orang.

maccow di datuk, dia nyah ‘corniness’ tak bleh angkat sak. gua nak makan ni, nak telan nasi macam perit rasanya. bila nak telan dia kluar dia nye’one-liners’.

itu jambul macam gua mau rebus jadi pulut basi.

jangan marah yah..

pretentious photographer poses photographs periodically..

earwax: lasse lindh – c’mon through (thanx air!)

i am on a lomo spree. and its hurting me pockets. how i wish there’s a darkroom in me house. oh how i wish..

caption: masjid_sultan. on the way towards beat merchants. got lost. and round and round searching for the place.

caption: thats the view fm mah room. lazy. dark. and gloomy. and i don’t know how to remove the dusts and noise from the picture.

caption: and unexpected hybrid homosapien posing at starbucks in toa payoh. me, as always, engaging in some business acumen.

+++

ah, the scandolous story of the day.

who in the fucken thought would have imagined that it takes 700 fucken men to search for 3 muther fucken men? if you want to see the level of kiasuness that is so prevalent in singapore, there, u’ve just witnessed it.

oh, but SOMEBODY will definately quote,

“This just shows our readiness, equipness, and whatever (beep) -ness we have prepared for.”

i wonder what they’ve preparing for all these while. maybe they’ll boast to their lurvers, “I gi cari perompak you noe!” and the girl will go, “Oh mah hero..i sayang YOU yang!”

-bactracks-

and CNA (cibai nonok asses), the so-called news hub, were on their feet, as expected. to sensationalise this, is like, lame. oh how do they enjoy doing this. the reporters were like experiencing the story of their lives.

i wonder what they’ll do next if they come face to face with the wild boars there. maybe they’ll set up a fund.

oh whatever..

I want an endless sunshine to my spotty mind

earwax: led zepplin – d`yer m`aker

memories, as they say, are the essence of any human being. it wat drives them to be whom the person they are.

it’s the biodata of `em. and they (who?) said it should be treasured.

for whatever reason, i’m not sure. and i am what i am now because of memories. i became nostalgic, and pitiful, whenever memories of yesterday flashed across my hindsight.

but there are some memories that i just have to erase permanently. and that’s the sucker punch. it’s so hard. i still do think of her. Logic just breaks the heart.

i just have to erase it.

which comes into my delight when i came to know they will be screening this movie…

The story is about Joel (Jim Carrey) who is stunned to discover that his girlfriend Clementine (Kate Winslet) has had her memories of their tumultuous relationship erased. Out of desperation, he contacts the inventor of the process, Dr. Howard Mierzwiak (Tom Wilkinson), to have Clementine removed from his memory. But as Joel’s memories progressively disappear, he begins to rediscover their earlier passion. From deep within the recesses of his brain, Joel attempts to escape the procedure. As Dr. Mierzwiak and his crew (Kirsten Dunst, Mark Ruffalo, Elijah Wood) chase him through the maze of his memories, it’s clear that Joel just can’t get her out of his head.

well sounds familiar ain’t it? talk about perfect timing. i’m sure there are others who still cling on to the past, and it just ridicules the sanity of em.

click here for the show’s website. it’s a great movie from what i’ve read. the plot is, well, interesting least to say.

(focus featureshas been making great movies thus far)

the best thing is to do nuthing at all.

i hope.

Kupu kupu yang eksen malu..

earwax: the stills – yesterday never tomorrows

cepatnyer masa berlalu. bila gi holiday, apasal eh rasa macam masa berlalu dalam sekelip mata?

gua ngan members2 sumer tinggal di sini.

tempatnyer bolehlah dikatakan ok-ok sahaja. cuma barangan dia, masyallah, bleh buatkan gua dapat sakit jantung. adake patut satu tin coke harganya $5? nasib baik semua orang bawak makanan. (budget beb, budget)

tapi keseluruhannya itu resort memang ada klass. tak rugi nginap di sana. cuma harganya sahaja yang melampaui batasan.

takper, skali skala try hidup macam orang kaya.

ah pasal gi bintan ni, gua hendak memberitahu kepada kalian sumer sedikit sebanyak tentang panduan2 yang patut diberi perhantian dengan terpeinci.

1. jikalau boring, main scrabble.
ah, ni kalau korang sumer dah tak tahu nak buat apa lagi pada tengah larut malam bila kat sana. permainan mudah sahaja, letak perkataan, kalau tak tahu bahasa inggeris, letak bahasa melayu. kalau pemain2 lain tak suka lu nya perkataan, lu akan kalah. bila kalah kena teguk satu glass absolut (woots!). boleh main sampai subuh.

2. jangan membawa lelaki sewel yang cepat tegang
selalunyah, pabila melancong, pria2 semuanyah akan menjadi gatal2. dan selalunyah, mereka selalu tegang. jikalau tidak ada cewek2 langsung, pria pria sewel begini akan cuba menuju arah mereka kepada pria pria yang tidak ‘berdosa’. bawalah mereka denga perhatian panggil tinggi.

3. jangan membawa lelaki sewel yang sudah tegang, kalah dalam permainan scrabble, lepas tu mabuk, lepas tu mahu memandu buggy dalam satu resort seperti beliau konon-kononnyah michael schumacher

4. sediakan makanan jikalau di rumah didiami ada 9 pria
jikalau tidak semua akan kebulurun. dan jangan bawak botol sos cili satu botol sederhana sahaja yah?

5. jangan berfikir harga barang-barangan di bintan murah-murah jikalau dibandingkan dengan singapur (terutama skali) jikalau pihak jawatankuasa yang memiliki resort itu orang singapur
macam mana tidak. suar babi, harga puey nyah mahal di sana. satu tin coke harganya SDG$5 dan satu botol snapple SGD$6. nak dikatakan kesemua harga benda2 disana dijual ngan harga singapur dolar.

6. jikalau pergi sun tanning janganlah tertidor lepas tu memakai cermin mata hitam yang saiznyah seperti m. daud kilau nyah.
kalau itu terjadi, habislah nasib mu. kesannyah? kulit menjadi hitam begal;muka akan ada tanda bekas cermin mata hitam itu lalu muka akan nampak seperti perompuan ganguro sewel dengan bahagian matanyah pucat seperti letak makeup murah dan muka hitam begal.

7. walaupun apa terjadi, step cool, walaupun keadaan dah tak boleh tahan langsung

8. jikalau mau hisap cerut, agak agak sikit yea.

9. jangan percaya jikalau ada orang yang mengatakan permainan bola sepak akan diadakan di stadium tanjong pinang. seperti satu pepatah inggeris, “Lower down your expectations so as to meet your satisfaction”

10. belajar perkatan-perkataan sinonim.
seperti apakah makna kupu-kupu ataupun kura-kura? ini WAJIB diketahui. :>

11. jangan cerewet sangat.
seperti apa mereka sering diperkatan, masa itu emas, siapa cepat dia dapat. siapa lambat dia tak dapat.

oh, gua ada petik gambar jugak.

tapi banyak gambar tak menjadi. siak nye lca.

sebelum berpisah, mari kita ulang kata satu expressi orang sana..

“kupu kupu dalam perahu
kalau dah suka janganlah buat tak tahu”

give me a B!

earwax: emery reel – a new beginning

ive a strange feeling that this trip cum football friendly will gonna be a screwed up.

why?

because a) transport within the place has not been fulfilled and b) its fucken short

so how?

just hope for the best. just that the worst is already on the horizon.

i just can’t fathom the need of the football friendly whilst on a short break. whatever it is i will be backing out. hah!

and sorry my friend, inul won’t be there. though ive heard on the grapevine, there’ll be loads of clones around there. dangdut joy, dangdut!

Q: so what will be my theme for this trip?
A: a pot bellied unruly hair pakcik who just withdrew his cpf savings, looking for kicks.

Q: and attire please?
A: what else but not the typical pot bellied chee kor peh pakcik. As the list shows.

1. big ray ban aviators (!) can’t leave home w/o em.
2. flowery, faded colored collared montagut polo shirts, with internal singlets to protect the ahem, ahem from harsh conditions.
3. gold (tinted, of course) buckle leather belt
4. mocassins. dont ask me why.
5. and a big chunky gold chain
6. cigars

and i heard there will be lots of japoinese chicks (ganguros hopefully not) at the resort. or so. those inuls can go dangduts with the rest for all i can bother.

and as per normal i will be intoxicated. just hope that it wont screw up.

hope all of u have a fine weekend.

Daylight Robbery

earwax: Lovage – Anger Management

i wonder how doctors dedicate their monies.

there was i facing the doc in her room explaining my past medical history, yada yada yada, and it all took her abt 2 minutes to diagnose me. and i wonder how 2 minutes of werk equates to $25 smackaroonies.

i’ve went to see specialists before and the amount for an appointment with them is like, $80 per session, which pathethically lasts for a mere 10 minutes.

is it me, or are doctors making a meal of this? how can they verify the extend of payment that we have to make?

The bird is sick

earwax: talking heads – heaven

there must be an epidemic making it rounds currently.

and i am the latest victim.

and ive this sense of foresight that if i apply for an mc tomorrow, god knows how many mata merahs will suddenly be clinically developed at my werkplace tomorrow.

nak amik mc salah, tak amik mc merana.

oh well, to make things leveraged, ive won some monies.

man yoo,
u so malu,
think u so big,
now who’s looking like a pig?

(i love soccer bets)

Blatant Boy Bored

i realised some net users are laaazzzy on clicking to links.

“Ah..malas lah!”

“Buat per?!”

“I don’t like pop ups!”

” (silence) ”

so, as a saviour to the community, sarip dol has blatantly COPY AND PASTE (which i’ve done lots lately 🙂 ) the following article to be read upon.

+++

Men still don’t get it

We’ve flossed, worked hard, carried the groceries and even displayed our emotions. Yet, Singapore women say we’re not up to the mark. What more can we do?

MEN all around the world seem to be confused about what women want.

At least that’s what innumerable articles in popular men’s and women’s magazines alike have claimed in recent years.

Films have been made about it, talk-show hosts have earned millions from the topic, and female popstars have fashioned entire images around singing about what women want.

But judging by the number of dissatisfied women in Singapore, Singaporean men definitely still don’t get it.

A recent feature in The New Paper highlighted the ‘bodoh-sexual’ nature of Singaporean men, quoting women who claimed that their men were insensitive, childish, chauvinistic and molly-coddled.

Men’s magazine FHM also recently published its annual global sex survey where Singapore men were given a paltry 5.1 points out of 10 by their female partners in terms of sexual performance. This was two points below the international average.

Singapore men, on the other hand, rated women 7.2 points out of 10, which is right on the global average.

Data from the Department of Statistics’ 2002 report on marriages and divorces also showed that more than 60 per cent of divorces in Singapore were initiated by wives.

And anecdotal evidence from my friends doesn’t help the cause of Singaporean men either.

Most female friends I know have at one point or other bemoaned the lack of good Singaporean men.

The bulk of the complaints have centred around us being too materialistic, too macho, not having a sense of humour … The list goes on.

So why have men been so unsuccessful in finding out how to make women happy?

It would appear that a lot of this lies in a shift in the balance of power between the two sexes.

The changing nature of the status quo of the two sexes is hardly a new phenomenon.

The bra-burning 1960s was also a period which witnessed an increase in education and career opportunities for women around the world.

This evolution has continued till today, where women are a match for men in virtually every aspect of financial or social independence.

And women have grown in stature with this evolution.

They are perceived to have become stronger, more independent, and to have taken charge of their lives and destinies.

Barbie has largely been replaced by Xena as a role-model for girls.

Women are cooler and more hip: There are now ‘dirty-somethings’, swinging single women who are into their third decade and who have no hang-ups about spinster stereotypes, as a colleague wrote in this column recently.

The heroines on Sex And The City have done much to glamorise this liberated lifestyle, which men have looked upon as their own sacred territory for so long.

Okay, so maybe not all Singapore women are like that. Some, I’m sure, are quite content to enjoy a more old-fashioned pace of life.

But I think women have, in general, come off better than men in the past few decades.

My former English tutor Mr Purvis used to hark back wistfully to the days when ‘men were men and women were happy about it’, and it’s true that the notions of what it means to be a man are becoming less clear.

In recent years, we have had to make do with the rather watered-down Snag tag, which is wimpy at best, and confusing at worst.

We’re expected to be sensitive, emotionally vulnerable, and yet still be ‘guys’, which presumably means exhibiting masculine traits such as strength, dependability and gentlemanliness.

The latest trend towards metrosexuality seems to promise even more confusion for a generation of men who have had to stand in the shadows as their female counterparts storm past in a whirlwind of sexual revolution.

All this spells big trouble for us men. The sands of the social playing field have shifted beneath our feet and we just haven’t been able to keep up.

Maybe we were too busy watching sports on TV. Or chasing the almighty dollar. Or getting in touch with our feminine side. Whatever.

The bottomline is that we’re going to have to figure out what women want before we can get the women we want. And let’s face it: that’s what most guys want.

Men have never been famous for being able to figure out women. We’re even supposed to come from different planets.

But the emergence of the new, empowered, independent woman of the new millennium might just be a boon for my clueless male brethren.

Because, after all, the new woman is closer to the stereotypical male in many ways.

She’s financially independent, socially aware, well-educated, and, thanks to female contraception, sexually liberated as well.

So what women want out of a relationship might not be all that different from what men want too.

American sex therapist Gina Ogden said in a recent magazine interview that her research has shown her that men and women are really very much alike.

‘Men and women both want love, both want to be appreciated, want to be sexual. There are a lot of similarities in what we both want in a relationship if you cut through all the gender-role stuff and media hype.’

The article also proposes the following new rules of a more equal partnership: ‘Whoever asks, pays. Whoever’s horny, initiates. And whoever’s rejected must take it like a man.’

Could the answer be as simple as that?

For the sake of us men, I certainly hope so.

107875616303807358

I can’t help but wonder,
But that’s all I do,
Endless thinking,
Infinite dreaming,
But rarely any experience.

I don’t get those chances,
I just spectate,
To see others at dances,
While I listen to people dictate,
That’s all I’ve done with life,
I have no feeling or strife.

Only to be used at another’s whim,
But no one worries,
To you my light is dim,
Pity caring, maybe that’s how I look at it,
Those favors so glaring,
To give others happiness that I’ve never had,
Never showing myself so sad,
Maybe I’m selfish for helping others so much,
The problem might’ve been myself.

My views so negative,
But it’s hard to be positive,
In midst of struggle,
Of the conflicts within,
The world around laughing behind you,
Plotting revenge and spilling your guts,
When all I wanted was the experience,
That joy others were able to enjoy.

It probably is me,
Pushing away care and love,
The attention, the spotlight,
I never want it,
Passive and conforming,
I pass silent,
Just listening to the rumors,
Hearing the atrocities,
Never hearing any good,
But I’ll never have that chance,
Experience, that I never have.

Being happy has never been a trait,
I don’t know how to embrace it,
I just try to escape,
Run away from myself,
Farther away from this tragedy,
That none has never experienced,
Happiness I so long,
Never coming,
I continue to repel,
Until I’m left with my depressing self.