“Rest assured Brie, you aren’t alone. While the casual observer might watch me at work and think “God damn… do something!”, I have found the year or so that I’ve had this job to be a great place to test limits. Something you don’t get to do on a daily basis. I test my boss’ limits, I test my computer’s limits, I test our Internet connections’ limits, and I test my personal Mountain Dew limit. I also test my “What the fuck can I get away with now” limits. Whether its coming into the office at 2:30PM to get plastered with my buddies… or whether its showing up 2:30 hours late (that’s only happened once or twice… per week, on average)… or whether its seeing how many full-albums I can download AND burn to CD in one day – I’m always pushing the edge in some way at this job.
I work a lot more than an hour a day. In fact, as long as I’m awake and at work, I’m working. The big question here is, who am I working for? I take pride in someone else paying me dollars and cents to work for myself on someone else’s time using someone else’s Internet connection and someone else’s computer.
Anyone feel sorry for my employer yet? Not to worry – whenever I’m late – err, every day – I have to bring my boss a double shot from Starbuck’s. I pretend that I had some reason for being late (i.e. car broke, friend graduating, cat drown, alarm clock rebooted, a parent got in an accident, and the usual horrible cold with a matching miraculous recovery in a day or two), and he pretends to believe me for free coffee. It works out quite nicely.
Brie & Patrick – perhaps you’ll know what I’m talking about here. I usually end up with an hour or two of overtime each paycheck. Why? Because come 5:00, I end up staying late to actually do what had to be done that day. UPS picks up our drop-box at 5:45PM. We’re a software company, and when someone purchases our product, we usually overnight it to them. We typically have two or three overnight’s per day. So the total amount of work done, by me, per day can be calculated in one of two ways – multiply 0:15 minutes by the number of UPS receipts we have (like I said, usually two or three) – or, subtract 5:00PM from the time I actually left work.
Hmm… what else… oh yeah, how many do-nothing-at-work people out there truly appreciate their lunch hour? The concept is simple – someone realized that it’s difficult to smoke weed at most jobs… so they invented lunch hour. But (I’m testing limits again) how high can one truly get during their lunch hour? Do the math – I live 15 minutes away from my office. Now – given that – how much time can I spend at home bubbling the bong before I have to go back?
It’s a trick question. You should know the answer… an hour. That’s time spent at home, not driving. Who takes an hour for lunch? I usually take 1 1/2 hour lunches. 🙂
In all seriousness, I thought I was alone too. I could’ve sworn that I was the only one lucky enough to be stuck in a room with an Internet connection and a CD burner for 8 hours a day. But it’s good to know that others are coming up with new and creative ways to waste their employers time. Keep up the great work, and keep writing these wonderful do-nothing-at-work essays!”