To grow old is to pass from passion to compassion. – Albert Camus
how not-so-me.
twenty – six but still on a trolley.
but hey, she’s there.
with a face that made me stare.
she’s the gift.
to comfort and to lift.
Hey you!
apa kabar?
dah lama tak bersua.
ada berita baru?
oh tidak, cuma sikit sikit ajer.
smalam buat apa?
smalam tak kerja lepas tuh lepak ngok i, robot.
bih kat kerja?
macam biasa jugak. server *ahem* dah habis diinstal dan diuji dalam fasa pertama. fasa kedua akan berlangsung minggu hadapan. lepas tuh berdoalah yang si sang buana yang pakai itu komputer tau pakai. kalo diaorang masih tak tau, gua ada bawak senapang gajah.
bih skarang?
oh..ngah fondle with the doodle.
ooo…
smalam gua gi baybeats.
jikalau anda memberi keprihatinan terhadap gua nya ulasan sikit hari yang lalu, lu pasti tau yang gua ni tak favret nak gi sana.
nak tau apasal?
pasal ini temasya sering diperpolori oleh masyarakat yang boleh ditemakan sebagai – “Eksen Cool Giler”.
nak tau mengapa?
pasal sebahagian besar daripada pengunjung ni sumer tak tau satu benda hal pun pasal lagu lagu yang dipersembahkan oleh ahli kugiran tu sumer. tapi pabila mereka pun bermula meluahkan irama mereka, yang datang menyaksikan pun bermula syiok sendiri.
lebih lebihan pula ramai yang kesana pun nak menegakkan fesyen kontemporari mereka. ye lah kan malam muda mudi. jadi kalau nak keluar kena lebih stail sikit. pasal sana banyak orang yang boleh saksikan.
gua rasa ini temasya adalah temasya untuk memperagakan diri sendiri.
yang masalahnya, gua pun telah menjadi salah seorang dari mereka – the elusive pretentious mat rawker.
ok disebabkan gua nye feeling macam gituh, apa kata kita semua tonton prebiu ataupun trailer filem filem yang akan dilayarkan di pawagam tidak lama lagi.
(yes kakak tetek, i like to showcase these trailers waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before anything else, pasal i kan suka ‘show off’, you! better to rave it now before The Mass noticed it. :>)
1. Sky Captain
2. The Bourne Supremacy
3. Saw
4. A Dirty Shame
ohhh..it feels good to be pretentious……..
let’s see what i did at work today…
1. arrived late. no, make it very late. wait a sec, 1030 more like it.
2. then wat? oh nothing much just checking through the students’ accounts, then realised some five hundred bucks were missing, then finally realised it was not written down. that took 2 and a half hours. exciting!
3. then? became the despatch boy, depositing the money at your friendly neighbourhood bank. first time dealing with a new bank teller. heck, she’s hot. that took away 2 hours.
4. what’s next? did some bisness at the nearby mosque’s, erm, sanitary room. and threw away the cigarette butt fm the window. 45 mins gone.
5. ooooo..next? went to mr bean to get some Green Bean Biscuits. they’re orgasmic i tell you. had an argument with the seller. she insisted i buy the one which is on offer. 5 + 1 biscuits for $5. but i insisted her i only want 5 pieces. well, that took up 30 minutes.
6. after that? dilly dally back to the office. shake leg. read newspaper. do some testing on the db (nuthing much anyway). smoke break. that took up a few hours.
7. now? preparing to go home.
bleh mati sak kalo hari hari macam gini.
everybody is right, everybody is wrong
here i am, still seeking whom to belong
it reflects back upon me, now i can see a reason why God did not include mind-reading as part of the human senses.
it would have been chaotic, for it’ll trigger a million responses.
at an instant.
dulu time cik dol masih kecik kecik, dia suka beli mainan mainan dari kedai mama. pasal dulu kan duit berkurangan, nak beli game pun tak cukup. jadi kita suka gi ni kedai mama kat telok belangah. dia ada jual manyak nye mainan.
kita ada beli itu mainan ular yang boleh jalan sendiri.
kereta mainan hotwheels.
mainan kad seperti happy family.
oh dan tidak lupa juga – ini.
jangan tanya mengapa, tapi cik dol suka main ngan paperdolls.
berpayah-payah gue cari tuh benda, tapi diaorang dah tak jual lagi. jadi alangkah gembiranya cik dol terjumpa itu lelaman.
yippee!
camni besok kena beli krayon sama color paper.
setelah sekian lama, akhirnya cik dol berkembali ke arena pasar malam.
dulu kan time zaman dulu dulu (note: zaman abg2 in leb) cik dol slalu tolong menolong (read: unreluctantly, but part willingly due to guilt), sidituh kat gerai dia.
fuh i bilang you (read: chef wan lingo), setiap dua minggu sering cik dol nye batang hidung ada kat itu pasar malam. sampai members sering buat bising, “Eh apa sak ko asik kat pasar malam jer?!”
mula2 time tolong ok jugak. bukan sahaja dapat mendampingi sidituh, tapi cik dol dapat menjenguk kehidupan rakyat jelata. tapi, dah lepas beberapa bulan, naik bosan plak.
oh itu panjang criter dia.
tapi smalam, akhirnya, dapat gua kembali ke arena tersebut. barangkali, jikalau tidak keberatan gua akan menceburi bidang ni dengan member gua.
tapi topik hari ini bukanlah pasal gerai pasar malam.
ia pasal benda lain.
ia pasal masyarakat di boon lay. itulah dimana gerai member gua tersadai untuk sementara ini.
gua bilang lu, beberapa jam gua kat itu gerai, mata tak boleh jelik joy!
apasal lu tanya?
maccow, gua bilang lu..dia nyah mambang mambang punyalah packing giler. pusing ke kiri ada mambang jack, pusing ke kanan ada mambang boob. mata kemana, otak kemana, kaya ball pun kemana. bih member gua bilang selang beberapa hari beliau disana, ada ini pelanggan2 tetap yang sumer mambang jus giler. gua tengok itu pelanggan lagi sedap dari segala makanan yang terhidang.
oops.
i’ve always love leslie low’s works. from the days of humpback oak, he’s the one and only voice i’d love to hear from the local scene. he’s different from most of the other local artists. lyrically and musically brilliant, the doode doesn’t give this outlook posterior of, “hey fuck it. im indie.” low down and hype free. now that’s how it’s meant to be.
the observatory will be playing today and tomorrow. oh, but too bad, tixs for tomorrow’s show has been sold out. my luck :`(
but wait, they’ll be performing again soon. problem is, the gig will coiincide with baybeats. i’m trying me best to avoid that as much as possible. i’ve nothing against local productions. but somehow, i can sense these ‘big pompous cool to the bones’ gigs feels cold, fake and thus pretentious.
but i guess i’ll give a soft spot for leslie and gang. it doesn’t hurt to see vivian wang live too. -drools-
+++
somehow i’ve the feeling will ferrell is looking more like chevy chase..
i can’t hardly wait for it to arrive.
oh by the way, i like this. you should too.
hello.
today is Poseur Day.
and so, what do you do on poseur day?
POSING lah.
and how to up your cred in society?
POSING jugak lah.
and thus today, i will pose the things that i deemed as poseurablish.
starting off with movies.
here, right before your eyes is a poster that i deemed as poseurable. i think by posting this up, hopefully, itll increase my cred in the eyes of the cool public.
see? don’t you feel cool already just by looking at it?
what you don’t?!
well let’s see how else we can up the cred.
hmmm..
ok i got it!
i’ll pose some new indie bands with new songs as part of the cool factor. you know the ones where the song titles always appear (somehow) in the posts?
well, here goes nothin..my poseur music listings.
the streets – dry your tears
madvillian – jack off
the walkmen – the rat
xiu xiu – i love the valley oh!
hmmm. i still haven’t feel cool yet.
maybe i’ll feel it after the amazing race.
hai apa kabar korang?
gua disini ada pesanan kepada lu orang
lain kali kan bila nak tengok wayang
kalo boleh lah, nauuzubilah, janganlah makan kacang
pasal kalo tak nanti jatuh, lepas tu paiseh macam kulit bawang
tapi kalo jatuh korang cuba bertenang
try step kool macam si ujang
ah ada lagi gua nya pesanan kat korang
ini pesanan baik untuk berjiwang
pakailah topi kalo nak tengok wayang
kalo tak nanti rambut leper macam tarzan kena main ngan cheetah yang miang
lepas tu kan berhati2 lah bila ke tandas ngan beruang beruang
lebih lebih lagi beruang yang otak hilang
terpekik terlolong bila ngah buang
lepas tu ketawa kat papan tanda yang tertera “Akan Datang”
lepas tu bila ngah tunggu bas time nak pulang
tengok pompuan pompuan yang suka pakai baju yang jarang
padahal dari blakang
nampak jambu sial macam lana lang
ntah dari depan baik tak dia nye barang
oh sebelum gua berulang
gua respek kepada mereka yang bet greece menang
yang kalah tuh janganlah mengamuk macam nak gi perang
yang menang tu janganlah gi joli ke tanjung pinang
pasal kalo tak isi borang
kena rembat nanti hang
ok lah sampai disinilah cerita abang
ingatlah ni pesanan terutama skali kepada bujang trang tang tang
oh dan tidak lupa juga kepada abang abang lobang
ok gua mau blah skarang..
+++
dr octpussy parked mj’s hairy osborne.
no wonder he lost his nuts.
I have a friend, he’s mostly made of pain. He wakes up, drives to work and straight back home again. He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper. I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover. And I tried to tell him that he had a sense. Of color and composition so magnificent.
And he said “Thank you, please, but your flattery. It is truly not becoming me. Your eyes are poor, you’re blind, you see. No beauty ever could have come from me. I’m a waste of breath, of space, of time.”
I knew a woman she was dignified and true. Her love for her man was one of her many virtues. Until one day she found out that he had lied. And decided the rest of her life from that point on would be a lie. She was grateful for everything that had happened. And she was anxious for all that would come next.
But then she wept, what did you expect. In that big old house with the car she kept. Such is life, she often said. With one day leading to the next. You get a little closer to your death. Which was fine with her, she never got upset. And with all the days she may have left. She would never clean another mess. Or fold his shirts, or look her best. She was free. To waste away alone.
Last night my brother, he got drunk and drove. And this cop, he pulled him off to the side of the road.
And he said, “officer, officer, you’ve got the wrong man. No, no, I’m a student of medicine, a son of a banker, you don’t understand.”
The cop said, “No one got hurt, you should be thankful. And your carelessness, it is something awful.”
“And no I can’t just let you go. And though your father’s name is known. Your decisions now are yours alone. You’re nothing but a stepping stone on a path. To debt, to loss, to shame.”
The last few months I’ve been living with this couple. Yeah, you know the kind who buy everything in doubles. Yeah, they fit together like a puzzle. I love their love and I am thankful. That someone actually receives the prize that was promised. By all those fairy tales that drugged us.
They still do me. I’m sick, lonely. No laurel tree, just green envy. Will my number come up eventually. Like love’s some kind of lottery. Where you scratch and see what’s underneath. It’s sorry. Just one cherry. I’ll play again, get lucky.
So now I hang out down by the train’s depot. No, I don’t ride, I just sit and watch the people there. They remind me of wind-up cars in motion. They way they spin and turn and jockey for positions. And I wanna scream out that it all is nonsense. Their life’s one track and can’t they see it’s pointless?
But just then my knees give under me. My head feels weak and suddenly it’s clear to see, it’s not them, but me. Who’s lost my self-identity. And I hide behind these books I read while scribbling my poetry. Like art could save a wretch like me with some ideal ideology. That no one could hope to achieve. And I’m never real, it’s just a sketch of me. And everything I’ve made is trite and cheap and a waste of paint. Of tape. Of time.
So I park my car down by the cathedral. Where the floodlights point up at the steeples. Choir practice is filling up with people. I hear the sound escaping as an echo. Sloping off the ceiling at an angle. When the voices blend they sound like angels. I hope there’s some room still in the middle.
But when lift my voice up now to reach them. The range is too high way up in heaven. So I hold my tongue, forget the song. Tie my shoes, start walking off. And try to just keep moving on. With my broken heart and my absent god. And I have no faith but it’s all I want. To be loved. And believe. In my soul, in my soul.
– bright eyes / waste of paint
Now and then it seems worse than it is, but mostly the view is accurate. You see your breath in the air while you climb up the stairs to that coffin you call your apartment. And you sink in your chair, brush the snow from your hair and drink the cold away. You are not really sure what you are doing this for but you need something to fill up the days. A few more hours.
There is a dream in my brain that just won’t go away. It has been stuck there since it came a few nights ago I’m standing on a bridge in the town where I lived as a kid with my mom and my brothers. And then the bridge disappears and I’m standing on air with nothing holding me. And I hang like a star, fucking glow in the dark, for all those starving eyes to see, like the ones we’ve wished on.
But now I’m confused. Is this death really you? Do these dreams have any meaning? No. No, I think it is more like a ghost that has been following us both.
Something vague that we are not seeing, something more like a feeling.
– bright eyes / something vague
some things never change.
and one of those is my pure disgust/hatred/what nots at kids.
i hate `em!
these so call little tykes packaged into Cute Ooo La Las are destined to make my life horrible. and the worst part is, no one is believing me. why? why? can’t you see their role in the destruction of sanity in all of us???
and now one of `ems had vomitted in class. if i have the authority, i would command the fella to eat the thing back again. blardy kid!
argh!!!!! they’re everywhere!!! and i’ve to deal with them every other fucken day!
whoa.
how apt. the greek gods are big this year with troy and the football team combining forces.
so…
“IS THERE NO ONE ELSE?”
everytime when i hear the theme music of the office, it just reminds me back to the days when my uncle drives me aroud and whistles to the chorus.
and only till now i’ve came to know the title.
heck they’ve done a research on the song.
just for aesthetics sake:-
Rod Stewart
Handbags & Gladrags
Ever seen a blind man cross the road
trying to make the other side
Ever seen a young girl growing old
trying to make herself a bride
So what becomes of you my love
When they have finally stripped you of
The handbags and the gladrags
That your Grandad had to sweat so you could buy
Baby
Once I was a young man
and all I thought I had to do was smile
You are still a young girl
and you bought everything in style
Listen
But once you think you’re in you’re out
’cause you don’t mean a single thing without
the handbags and the gladrags
that your Grandad had to sweat so you could buy
Sing a song of six-pence for your sake
And take a bottle full of rye
Four and twenty blackbirds in a cake
And bake them all in a pie
They told me you missed school today
So what I suggest you just throw them all away
the handbags and the gladrags
that your poor old Granddad had to sweat to buy
They told me you missed school today
So I suggest you just throw them all away
the handbags and the gladrags
that your poor old Granddad had to sweat to buy ya
Berita Hairan 